alisonstclair.com

Friday, November 22, 2013

Creepin for Mo

Aaron Rodger, Danny Amendola, and Sidney Crosby
After a busy day at work I stopped by my local bar to watch the Caps/Penguins game on Wedneday. I didn’t make it to the 3rd period of the game.

Not because of the score, but because I felt so uncomfortable looking at Crosby’s terrible, child-molester-ish mustache. PUKE! It’s creepy; it’s gross, and just flat out disturbing. I bet he drives the ice cream truck around downtown Pittsburgh during the summer too.

And then later that night I get an email from a friend asking me to donate money to “Movember” and attached is his picture with Crosby’s-Creepy-Stash on his face too. Evey future boyfriend, Aaron Rodgers, has also been a victim of this horrible face growth. WHAT is going on?!?!

I’ll be honest and say that I thought ‘No shave November’ was just a saying for lazy males to have an ‘excuse’ and not shave their face. Good thing his picture was at the end of the email or I would have deleted it before actually reading it.

Turns out that Movember is actually a global fundraiser to raise awareness and funding in the fight against prostate and testicular cancer. Saving the balls, now you’ve got my attention! The Mo-movement encourages men to grow a mustache for the entire 30 days of November. Participants register and ask friends to donate to their creepy sprouts growing on their face.

Men and women wear pink to support breast cancer awareness, but ladies- we should not play no-shave November, EVER! Instead, we should just donate to the cause. I’m sure you all know someone with a ‘to catch a predator’ look on this face. Ask them if they are what I like to call “Creepin for Mo” (participating in Movember) or if they just think that their mustache is just a good look for them. If they don’t say Movember- RUN, run fast in the opposite direction. If they are Creepin for Mo, then creep into your wallet and make a donation. Seriously, it takes a lot of balls- literally, to go in public with a Mo on your face.  

Protecting the stones has always been near and dear to my heart. Mostly, because when I was little and saw all those commercials about “always having to pee” (anyone who knows me, knows that I’m pretty confident that I have the world’s smallest bladder or I’m allergic to water) so naturally, I thought the commercial was speaking directly to me. Then I leaned in 6th grade health class that while mentally, I have bigger stones than a lot of males I’ve met, however, physically, I didn’t make the anatomy checklist. Still, the bruises I encounter on a nightly basis from “my frequent tips to the bathroom” and refusing to turn on a light is my own fault. It’s not a man’s fault that testicular cancer is the most common cancer in males between the ages of 15 and 35. Or that 1-in-6 men will be diagnosed with prostate cancer in his lifetime.

Mustaches of any kind, will forever give me the creeps, but you’d rather I have the creeps, than someone you know lose their manhood. Just turn your head and cough boys, everyone’s doing it.

Oh and if Sid-the-Kid is trying to be a man with his mustache, it’s stillll not working. But if he’s trying to grow a Mo, I won’t mail him a razor until December.


Here’s the link to help support my friend’s CREEPY MO!
http://us.movember.com/mospace/3756997

Monday, November 11, 2013

November Rain…

There’s a saying in life that when it rains, it pours. This also applies to what it’s like to be a fan of the Washington Redskins.

The Redskins are 3-6 and haven’t been able to beat a decent team on the road. The good news is that the NFC East is so awful that mathematically, the Redskins are not out of the playoffs just yet. However, it took nine, NINE games for the offense to score in the first quarter! Seriously?!?! Based on that stat alone I’m not feeling the optimism to spark an NFC East comeback like we did last year after we gave the game to a Minnesota team that had not won a game on American soil this season until Thursday night.

What are the chances we win the next seven games and win the division? We were in the same position last year and pulled it off. The real question is, is it too soon to ask Santa for Redskins to play at least ONE game for a full 60 minutes? Just one game so we can see our true potential.

The Redskins had a 27-14 lead early in the 3rd against the Vikings. Then, it all fell apart. (The red flag was early in the 1st when the Skins couldn’t score on first-and-goal on the ONE-yard line.) Seeing former UT stud, Cordarrelle Patterson scored his first NFL receiving TD as a Viking really made me wish he was still playing in Knoxville. Down seven points with 34 seconds left in the game, Kyle Shanahan called three pass plays on the five-yard line. Reed, Garcon, and Moss couldn’t connect and Redskins took home anther road loss.

It’s hard to watch other teams throw & catch the ball and make it look so easy. And then Garcon makes an incredible one-handed catch and you wonder, how come we can’t do the little things, the fundamentals of the game correctly? How do we make bad teams look good? Why do we choke in the red-zone?

Is it weird that DeAngelo Hall is making it rain on the field and not at a strip-club? Hall being Virginia Tech alum isn’t the only reason he has been on my unimpressed list. It was more of his actions on & off the field, a lot talk, and his inconsistency to catch AND cover. But the truth is that I was at a Redskins charity luncheon earlier this year and I told him, “don’t be a duchebag this season”. Well… maybe I didn’t say those exact words, but the look on my face when he sat at our table said it all. On the field, he can be Hall-way robbery with his hands and off the field his ego has turned into a more humble team player. This season Hall has 3 interceptions, 2 TD’s and 2 Forced Fumbles. (In 2008-2012 combined he only had one TD and 3 FF.)

If I send former special teams coach, Danny Smith a huge tub of bubble gum do you think he would come back to Washington? That fake punt attempt against Minnesota was a complete debacle that exposed how much we miss Danny Smith on the sideline.

Eventually, every storm runs out of rain so as a Redskins fan, I’ll put on my arm swimmies and doggie paddle until this flood passes.

But if you really want to turn on the waterworks, grab a tissue and watch this video of Veterans returning home. They are America’s true heroes. Happy Veterans Day!