I Need to Vent

I apologize, but I need to vent. (Sorry to Steve Nance who heard the potty mouth version of this rant.)  

I was asked to play in a Fantasy Football league with a $50 buy-in. Anyone who knows me, knows that I’ve never bet more than $20 on anything. The league manager begged, I mean he beeeeggggggggged me to play. He was acting like the neighborhood cat; I couldn’t get rid of him so I said I would play. But I made it clear, don’t be mad when I beat you.

I’ve been playing in fantasy leagues year round for years. I’m lucky that my twin brother is a champion in most leagues he plays in and has taught me how to play like the boys. This was the first league I played in that was outside my normal circle of fantasy leagues.

League Go Hard or Go Home- with League Manager Captain Shady-

After the most unorganized live draft I couldn’t stop laughing. Who drafts a kicker in the 7^th round (Mason Crosby who has 87 total fantasy points this year)? I took Stephen Gostkowski with my second to last pick and he’s tied for first place with 144 points. One kid even picked the Lions defense in the 6^th round (who has a total of 54 fantasy points). I waited until the 10^th round and snagged up the Bears D who leads the league and earned my team 204 fantasy points.

And how was Adrian Peterson stilllll available in the 3^rd round? Talk about a steal All Day, All Day!

Have you ever played in a league that counted week 17? Teams with an automatic playoff will rest the superstar so it can hurt your team in the Championship.

Let’s be honest, he has a reputation of being shady and holds a grudge against me because I have schooled him week after week in a weekly NFL pick em game for the past two years.  

No one was surprised when he magically had the first round draft pick. A $50 buy-in with ten players = $350 for 1^st and $150 for 2^nd.  Somewhere along the way he created a 3^rd place for a $50 payout. I didn’t realize I was playing in an all-girl league. Third place gets a payout in a league of 10? Shut the front door! Just give everyone a trophy and tell them they won too. I guess I grew up playing ball where I learned to win or lose and you accept it. There was none of this let everyone win crap.

So now, this ‘made up’ addition makes the 1^st place payout $250 and 2^nd $150, but wait that’s still only $450….? I’m pretty good with numbers, but the average 2^nd grader can figure out there’s still $50 unaccounted for. He then decides the $50 is for the draft kit. Whaaaat? Those things are partially free and if you do purchase a draft kit (it’s a poster board and stickers) you might spend $25 at the most.

Worst league management ever! The funny thing about this league is that my team DaNuhNuh has been crushing it all season in first place and I’m playing in the Championship. I’m playing team Maclin On Your Girl, Yes Her (I hate the Eagles, but that’s hilarious Mr. Nance). He, like most of the other teams are pretty cool people. I’m just glad that we beat Captain Shady at his own game.

You can rig all the rules, you can change the rules, and you can even use your veto power to make sure others can’t beat you and you still get beat by a girl.

Naughty or Nice?

The entire year comes down to one list. There is one list that is created by the sports gods and Santa that decides the fate of your season; are you on the Naughty or Nice list? Being on the naughty list is season ending and being on the nice list keeps your post season dreams alive. Luckily, Santa and I are pretty close (I leave him the best cookies year after year- he loves me) so he shared the “List” with me. Here is the inside scoop to the most important list of the year. 

I was lucky enough to be invited to go to the NFL Draft in Radio City Music Hall when the Washington Redskins drafted the best Christmas present we could ask for; Robert Griffin III! He has proven he is the real deal and he knows how to put on a show. FedEx field goes NUTS when he runs out of the tunnel, steps on the field or just when he smiles on the jumbo-tron. RG3 is truly the hope and change we have been waiting for in Washington. Robert you are on the NICE List!

Redskin nation is so mesmerized by the talent and charisma of RG3 that the attention for the other life line on the field has been sidelined. Holy Kai! Kai Forbath is an undercover superhero. (Really, he is! Only superheroes can wear a size 7. 5 shoe on their kicking foot and a size 10.5 on the other foot.) This California golden-foot is not getting the attention he deserves. But then again, I’ve met Kai and he doesn’t have a Hollywood ego at all. He was so nice and humble to be playing in the NFL. I’ve read articles where the “Redskins took a chance on him”. Let’s be honest, when Billy Cundiff is your kicker- that’s called taking a risk. Picking up Kai was a steal!

(I’m not a fan of his favorite UCLA memory when he kicked the game winning FG in OT to beat my VOLS in 2008.) But I am a fan of winning games. In his 9 games with the Redskins he has scored 82 fantasy points for Washington. I know, his kickoffs stats are a little debatable, but Special Teams Coach Danny Smith has a strategy inside that wad of gum he’s always chomping on. Kai explained it to Dan Steinberg by saying: “We think our cover team does best when we’re not letting the other team know where we’re going with it.” Keep up the Cali-swag Kai; we are glad you are here! Kai- you are on the NICE List!

Alfred Morris, gosh I love this swinger! Redskin fans know his TD celebration is a home run swing. But what’s the story behind it? During spring OTAs he met some Little Leaguers who were staying at the same hotel for an All-Star tournament. He became a huge fan of these little ballers. He swam with them, he ate cupcakes with them (Morris LOVES cupcakes), he watched them play ball and he became a role model. Morris decided he would do a TD celebration for them the first time he got into the end-zone. He hit his first home-run against the Colts in the preseason (the imaginary baseball swing) and the Little Leaguers and their parents sent Morris messages thanking him for showing them some love. Morris was so touched by their excitement and he decided it would be his signature celebration all season. How can you not root for a guy who has a heart like that? Keep swinging in the end-zone buddy, keep swinging! Alfred, a lot of little kids wrote letters to Santa telling him that they want a football for Christmas so they can grow up to be a like you. Alfred, you are on the NICE List!

Santa’s Naughty List:

Philadelphia Eagles

New York Giants

Dallas Cowboys